Hello <*name*>.  Please come in and sit down.  I know you weren’t expecting to see us all here together, but this is a safe place.  We’ve all here today for you – Me, Ryan, Drew, Brian and Kait, Joe, John, Bobby, other Drew and all the rest.  We’re here because we love you very much and we want you to succeed.  We’d like you to listen to what we have to say with an open mind and an open heart and, whatever else happens, please know that all of it – every word – comes from our desire to help.

You see, <*name*>, you have a pretty big problem that is holding you back.  You say it’s not a problem.  You say it’s no big deal and that you can handle it.  But deep down, I think you know something’s not right – you’re just scared to make the changes that will put you on the right path.  This won’t be easy to hear, <*name*> so I’ll give it to you straight.  This is about…your audition book.

Please, <*name*>, don’t leave! You need to hear this! Bobby, block the door! Please, <*name*>, you’re making Ryan cry!  Let’s all just…calm down.  Okay, good.  Thank you for staying – this won’t be easy, but stick with me.

I don’t want to hurt you <*name*> but you have to face the truth.  You haven’t put a new song in your book for…well, I think we all know how long it’s been.  You’re too comfortable, too safe, too…yes, I’ll say it…boring.  Besides, let’s face it, nobody’s booked a job going to an EPA singing “I’ll Cover You” since 1998! And the dog-eared pages on that copy of “If I Loved You” you drag out every time somebody asks you for something legit…*sheesh*. Look, they’re both good songs but any fire you once had singing them is g-o-n-e, gone!  It is past time for you to shake things up!

Don’t you want your binder to stop looking like this?!

And another thing, what’s with all the ballads?  We looked and 75% of that creaky black binder are ballads!  And no, no, I’m sorry, but no, your salsa-infused, slow jam version of “Fine, Fine Line” does not count as an up tempo.  Trust me.  Look, ballads are fine.  Everybody needs ballads.  But this can’t be all about you!  Performing and auditioning has to be about the audience!  Just because you can almost make yourself cry (if it’s early enough in the day) and the even slower last verse gives you an acting boner doesn’t mean the people behind the table want to hear them!

I’m sorry…that was harsh.

Look, change is scary – there’s no denying it.  But finding a new song – whether it’s new to you or new to almost everybody – is going to make your auditions come alive again!  Sometimes, in a scary way – the pianist won’t be able to play them in his sleep for one thing but, risk and reward, <*name*>.  Risk…and… reward.  It’s a new year, a fresh start, a chance to bring something new to your voice, to your acting, to the people behind the table who might look up from your resume and pay attention to you and your talent if they don’t know exactly what song you’re singing after the second note of the introduction.

We can’t do it for you – only you can breathe new life into your book <*name*> – but we’re here for you.  We’re writing new songs every day.  And if you take the time to look and listen and learn, one of those songs just might be the reason you find yourself walking through that stage door in three months – and this time, not to visit your friend/enemy you love/hate and did a wonderful/horrible job in their Broadway debut.  So please, for the love of Larson, make 2014 the year you update your book.   Don’t do it for us – do it for yourself…and your career.

(Could somebody hand Ryan a tissue…?)

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